I don’t mean with anyone specifically. I mean in general. Why am I never enough? My whole life, words of me not being enough or me being “too” something have been said to me. I am old enough now and have learned skills to push that negativity out of my head. But, you know, sometimes, the opinions, the judgements and the preconceived notions of who I am and who I ought to be, weigh me down so much I want to just scream: IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT (ME), KISS MY A$$!
Words DO hurt.
They get under your skin and if are not careful, I could become exactly what others accuse me of being. And so much of it is contradictory. Icouldn’t please everyone even if I tried. I stopped trying long, long ago. Still, those words, those damn pigeon-hole words can still get the best of me:
- She’s too loud.
- She never talks.
- She talks too much.
- She’s too short.
- She’s too fat.
- She’s too friendly.
- She’s not friendly enough.
- She’s too opinionated.
- She’s too crazy.
- She never does this.
- She always does this.
I could literally go crazy trying to be what everyone else thinks I should be. But, the honest truth is, I am not the least bit interested in changing a single thing about me. I like who I am. And it’s more than that, I’m proud of who I am. I am aware that I am different than most women at my age and stage of life and I love that about myself.
People make assumptions about me without getting to know me. I always enter relationships with an open mind. Another thing I’m proud of, considering so many of my relationships have not been as strong as they should be or have not lasted. How dare anyone judge me when they know nothing about me? Then again judgements about me are not my problem or even business. They do become my business when those judgements could impact my life.
Why can’t people be happy within themselves and want happiness for others? Is it really necessary for anyone to talk down about anyone else? Here it is in a nutshell: If anyone feels my name coming to the tip of their tongue, and what is to follow is not genuinely kind, they should keep it to themselves.
My lifes worth is not measured about what anyone thinks of me. I really do know this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that from time to time.
Please forgive any typos. This is being posted raw, because that’s how I want to write tonight.